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I don’t know if I’m still living..

When I was a child, I was very eager to play throughout the day. When I went to kindergarten, I was eager to finish my kindergarten.
Highschool. I was dying to finish highschool and start going to college.
Now, I was dying to finish college. What’s next? Will I be dying to have a job, then marry, then have children, then I would be dying just to watch my children grow old enough..
Will I be dying to retire?
I don’t know much about death either. I don’t know. Maybe someday, I will realize that I’m dying, and I forgot how to live.
I don’t want that to happen.

This week, this week was not as light as I hoped. There were exams in which I hoped to pass, there were projects that I aim to be finished, and there were papers that I wrote to be submitted.
Maybe you will wonder if I am tired.
Yes, I am. There were so many problems, so many hopes, so many dreams, so many things that I want to do, so many achievements that I want to accomplish..
And it makes me tired. Tired of not getting started, and not living my life.

There is only one life in the world. And maybe you were wondering, if you are really alone.
One of the worse feelings, have you ever felt it? It isn’t about being lonely. It’s about being forgotten by someone you care for. By someone you can’t forget.
And then you realize that no matter how many people you surround yourself with, you will die alone. They will all leave. Everybody does.
That’s why I prefer to be alone sometimes. The best things about us loners is, we tried joining the whole world. We tried. But, we are disappointed.
That’s why I.. I sometimes hate being close to others. The moment that you were close to each other, they will leave. It just hurts so much sometimes, when someone changes your life then leaves.

I can’t forget these thoughts, because these thoughts crossed my mind the night I was unable to sleep, because my sleep is one of my ways for escaping these thoughts..
Anyways, harden the fuck up.
I’ll leave this quote to you.
“You are now aware that nobody has told you they loved you for a while.”
No I was just joking. Love you anon.

“Man can not remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.”
Good night anon.

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