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I am unsure about who I am. Well, who is?
I hate it when people judge me when i don’t even know how to judge myself. But what can I do? Nothing.
Life seems so difficult when for some people it seems so easy. That’s what I see. I feel like everyone in this world was given a manual on how to live, but mine wasn’t given.
Most of the time, I don’t fit in. I wonder why.
These thoughts constantly haunt my mind.
How the world works, perople, human nature. That’s what I hate.
And I even wonder how are inhumane things human nature?
Love. Hate. I hate them both.
I wish that life would just slow down.

Are these actually my thoughts? Am I trying to be deep? Or am I trying too hard?
Am I incapable of feeling emotions?
I laugh. And I smile. A lot. But the only purpose I smile is to hide the emptiness inside.
I’m very shallow. I’m feeling depressed right now, and maybe that’s the reason why I’m typing this.

I wish that life was really easy.
You could just find out who you are in a minute.
I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to be an automaton who never cries. I even tried many times, whenever I’m depressed, to cry.
But I just can’t and I don’t know why.
This pain, this pain I’m feeling, is all stirred up inside, I can’t even release this pain, and I don’t even know why is it even there at the first place.

People look at me weird, and I hate it. But, it’s just true.
They say that I impress them, and I really hate it. That would just add expectations to me, and the feeling to need to impress people.

Life is so sad. These thoughts are sad.
Why do you even care? I’m the only one who does.
When I think of these thoughts.
It just proves how lonely I am.

I want to say these thoughts, but they don’t believe that I’m depressed.
I’ve always decided to keep this to myself.
I don’t want anyone to see how I am.
But I’m posting this here as a timestamp.

I hate this.


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